oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
