He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
