She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
