I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
