We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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