My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize