I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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