Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
