I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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