He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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