the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
