i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
