Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize