Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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