his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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