I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
