States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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