You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
This toilet bowl is my home.
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