I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
