Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize