it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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