Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
