remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
