i think i have two assholes
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
