My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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