i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
