I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
