This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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