So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
