i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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