super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
