I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
