Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Randomize
