Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
