my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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