Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
