she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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