Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
