There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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