I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
