im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
