This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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