I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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