Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
