He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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