She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize