Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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