Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
