well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize