i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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