I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
