there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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