he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
