They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
