I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
