I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
