Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
