Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
