"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
